Well, I'm two weeks into my SNAP Challenge and I've got $7.96 left for the rest of the month and I don't want to spend it. I'm afraid that I'm going to need some last minute ingredient and not have the money to get it.
Fear must be a big part of the life of someone who really is living a life of food insecurity. I can always call it quits and I still find it stressful as hell! Real sleep is a thing of the past and that is making concentration a chore. If I can't concentrate, I get frustrated and snappish. I'm tired all the time and feel as though I'm living life underwater. Moving my limbs takes more effort than before--like there is a force working against them.
I don't want to go to St Francis Food pantry as a shopper. I just sort of feel like that is the final admission that I can't do it on my own and I'm a damned independent person! Yes, I realize that I've already accepted free meals and coffee from The Community Table, but that seems different somehow. Food pantries are for poor people, after all. With all of my recent work learning about food insecurity, I'm learning that I have stigma that I need to examine. Why am I afraid to go to the food pantry? Am I afraid about what I may feel? What I may learn about myself?
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