SNAP Real Life experience

Last night I ate at The Community Table as a guest rather than as a server.  It was a strange experience for me.  I was nervous and almost talked myself out of it several times.  I even almost drove past when I saw how busy it was.  I knew that if I did, though, that meager bit of groceries that I have left for the month just wasn't going to cut it.

I was a late straggler, so I was the only person in line.  There was a table there with a woman and a notebook.  I thought she was going to ask my name just like at the food pantry, but she was just making tic marks counting how many people had been served.  So, there was a slight pause for me and I got a little embarrassed not knowing the routine.

I stepped to the counter and the first group I encountered asked what I wanted as far as hot food.  It was very similar to a school cafeteria.  I got the Italian meatballs and carrots Au gratin.  I moved down the counter and got my tossed salad and fruit salad and declined the bread and butter.  Utensils and napkin next...grabbed a banana...and looked for a place to sit.

That's when I felt really weird for the first time.  There was a roomful of people who were laughing and talking; I felt like the new kid in school.  So, I did like the new kids do and found a table that was almost empty.  The gentleman who I was sitting with and I did not talk.  I hid myself behind eating my meal.

I looked around and saw some familiar faces.   I've done retail work and have waited on some of these people.  I started to relax. I wasn't really alone; like the new kid in school, I was just lonely in a crowd.

I settled into one of my favorite activities--people watching.  I was getting some odd looks from the regulars.  "Who's the new kid?" their faces were saying.  I did the Midwestern slight upturn of the mouth and nodded to the ones who made eye contact.  There wasn't any hostility in their eyes as if I didn't belong--just curiosity.

There wasn't any piano music this time, but the conversations made a music of their own.  Each voice lent a bit to the melody and the background music was of laughter.  That was the thing that threw me--there was so much laughter!  Didn't these people realize how hard their lives were?  What's with all the laughter?  Kids were playing with each other as if they didn't have a care in the world.  Parents were joking with their friends about sports and relationships and other life stuff.  Old men were making googly eyes at babies to make them laugh.  Older couples were lingering over a cup of coffee and fondly watching the chaos.  It was normal.  It was just such a normal event.

I wanted to be a part of the pulse of this community.  I wanted to be part of the love and friendship that they shared with each other over a meal.  I wanted to know the little family squabbles that kept some apart from others.  I wanted to know the inside jokes that caused some to say one or two words and laugh.  I wanted to be one of them.

I finished my meal and brought my empty tray to the dishwasher's area.  I took my banana with me for the road.  I left still feeling weird--but smiling.